2009 hasn't exactly been a great year for me as far as game development goes. The only new game that I have released this year was 'Heart of Ice' back in February, which is both the shortest and lowest quality game I have publicly released to date.

Other then that all I have really done all year is re-release enhanced versions of games that I had already made. I tried to learn different languages, libraries and frameworks for game development, so that I could make games that were graphically richer and supported on more platforms, yet all with absolutely no success so far.

So lately, I have spent a bit of time soul searching, and asked myself the question 'Why do I bother making games in the first place?'

The expectation of eventually getting financial reward is certainly a factor. I had set myself a goal this year of selling exactly one copy of any game that I made. Although I'm certainly not going to reach that goal, I did make money from game development for the first time this year, by assisting a friend port an old Blitz3D game to BlitzMax.

Also, I'll admit that there is definitely an ego factor. It feels great to get a good review sent to me out of the blue for one of my games. There was a highly positive Derelict review posted on this blog just a couple of nights ago.  Occasionally I do get negative - and sometimes nasty - reviews for my  games, but the hurt I get from those is no where near as great as the joy I get from finding out someone liked a game I made.

Finding out that I am a Dyspraxic a few years back is probably a motivator as well. Since then, part of me has wanted to succeed at game development simply to prove that I am at least as capable at artistic endevour as a neurologically normal person is.

Yet, despite those three influences, I wanted to make games long before I knew about Dyspraxia, or even realised that there could be recognition or financial reward for doing so. I have always, ever since I can remember, wanted to make games. Even though it would be years before I would craft my first game, as a young child sometimes I would jot out level or game ideas in a notebook.

The first games I actually did get to make were always very simplistic. A cut down remake of Taipan in QBasic, or top down 2D 'demakes' of Wing Commander and Destruction Derby in Klik N Play. The vast majority of these games were complete throwaways (none of whom no longer exist) totally amateurish and unsuitable for public consumption, yet I had a ball of a time creating and playing them. Even if I was comfortable with the idea of publicly releasing them, I literally had no way of doing so - I lived in one of the most isolated corners of the South Island at the time, and it would be years before I could get access to the Internet.

So when I started making games, the intended audience was more or less just myself, and a few mates. It was something I did for a single reason - to have fun. However, during the past year or so, I seemed to forget that. For some reason, instead of focusing on making games that I myself would be interested in, I wanted to make games that I thought other people would be interested in. The kind of high technology stuff filled with millions of polygons, dynamic lighting and realistic physics that hardcore gamers seem to be obsessed with.

But I don't really care about that stuff. I just want to make fun and unique games, without having to worry about good graphics, or Mac compatibility, or if anyone else will like it apart from me. The games I want to make include such bizarre and unique ideas as:

• Golf, but played with Rocket Launchers
• Waging Guerilla warfare across the galaxy in a giant robot
• RPG about teenaged Batman wannabies fighting crime while trying to keep their alter-egos secret from their parents
• Platform game about a Princely Pie defending the Kingdom of Pienotopia from corrupt Cookies (Okay, that was my brother's idea, but still it sounds awesome.)

None of those ideas actually needs anything more then Blitz3D, or Game Maker for that matter, to bring to life. I'm not sure if any of those games would be commercially viable, but if they were on Steam right now, I'd stop writing this post and scoop them up immediately.

So, I think that, perhaps my New Years resolution will be to get back to making games primarily for fun from now on, without caring about the underlying technology or what anyone else will think of them.
 

Well, that's enough of my rant, if you make games then I'd love to know why you make games too.